In Loving Memory of Jesse Gabriel Kammerzell

Your precious feet left tiny footprints in our hearts...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Long time...

I had lunch with a friend today, who reminded me that I haven't been on here for some time. Guess that last month of school really got away from me! I had more teary-eyed kids on the last day of school this year than I think I ever have in the past. Did my emotional state wear on them that much this year? Then again, a bunch of them wanted my email address so they could write to me over the summer, and has anyone written yet? No! It is such a relief to have a little time to relax and gather my thoughts now.

A few weeks ago, I picked Sami up at the sitter's, and her grandbaby was there. She was only 8 days old, and just sleeping away! On the way home Sami said, "Did you see that baby? She's so little! And she was just sleeping and sleeping. Karen, when are we going to get our baby?" Sigh. Some day, I hope! My friend and I were talking today about the children we DO have, and how they sometimes get overshadowed by the babies we lost. It seems like we spend so much time memorializing the ones we lost and mourning them that we have to be sure to continue to honor the ones we do have. It is striking, the insight these very small children have, even at such tender ages. Sami's mom says that Sami often tells her, "Mom, I AM a big sister you know. My brother just lives in heaven." I have a fear that she will forget about Jesse. I don't want her to grow up and stop acknowledging that she is a big sister.

I went to the perinatologist on the 4th. He seems to think that the fibroids are "where the money is." I'll be having an HSG (histosalpinogram) next week where they'll take pictures of my uterus to see what's going on physically. After that, we wait for results. Then the doctor will decide if we should have the fibroids surgically removed. Or he may send us on to reproductive endocrinology. So it's more waiting. And I'm wishing that I hadn't waited to go to the doctor in the first place because maybe by now we wouldn't be waiting any more! He also said he thinks the clotting is a non-factor.

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