Poetry

I am a Mother by Karen Kammerzell

I am the mother of an angel named Jesse.
I wonder if he’d have had his daddy’s eyes
I hear his laughter, his cry in my dreams
I see his tiny pink feet
I want to feel his sweet breath on my cheek
I am the mother of an angel named Jesse.

I pretend that it didn’t happen like it did
I feel aching emptiness
I touch the silky blanket with no baby wrapped in it
I worry that he is alone
I cry. I cry.
I am the mother of an angel named Jesse.

I understand that I will not hold him
I say it will be okay
I dream that one day we will know each other
I try to make sense of it all
I hope to one day cradle my own child in my arms
I am the mother of an angel named Jesse.


DON'T TELL ME

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too.
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true.
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me.
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see.
Don't tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot.
Don't tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop.
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more.
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before.
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child.
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while.
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear every day.
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like '
the new person I become.

By Judi Walker
(In Memory of Shane)
Copyright 1998