I am...

I am the mother of an angel named Jesse.
I wonder if he’d have had his daddy’s eyes
I hear his laughter, his cry in my dreams
I see his tiny pink feet
I want to feel his sweet breath on my cheek
I am the mother of an angel named Jesse.

I pretend that it didn’t happen like it did
I feel aching emptiness
I touch the silky blanket with no baby wrapped in it
I worry that he is alone
I cry. I cry.
I am the mother of an angel named Jesse.

I understand that I will not hold him
I say it will be okay
I dream that one day we will know each other
I try to make sense of it all
I hope to one day cradle my own child in my arms
I am the mother of an angel named Jesse.